Alright, diving into 2024 and just took a stroll down memory lane from the past week. So, Spotify’s done its thing with the most-played songs and a 2023 wrap playlist furthermore Lana Del Rey’s hogging the top spot, but hey, what about my Anime playlist? It practically had a repeat button stuck all year.

Then Google Photos joined the party, rolling out a recap with memories from last year and the one before but here’s the kicker – Google Photos was Mr. Consistent, throwing back pics from the exact dates in 2022 and, hold up, even 2018. Flipping through those pics got me thinking – all those versions of me in the past were on a mission to make me the person I am now. And guess what? Present me is eyeing the future version like, “Bring it on, life!”

Looking back, this year was a mix of bitter and sweet, with a bit more leaning towards the tricky side. It’s kinda funny how we just assume things will magically get better with time after going through a tough patch. Hope does that to you – makes you expect time to be a wizard fixing everything.

But here’s the plot twist, the whole ‘time heals all scars’ idea? interestingly, the concept is not the golden rule. Over three years, I figured out time doesn’t always sprinkle its magic. Instead, it throws curveballs and scars. Well, some stick around if you don’t treat them right. You wouldn’t leave a wound untreated, right? Same goes for life’s scars – treat ’em or live with ’em.

It’s the soul that steps up during tough times, turning things around because success is mysterious and you never know how close you are to it” hence, It is YOU who heals you.

Big shoutout to my mind for holding it together during the rough days, always sticking to the core wish: to live. Moreover, it’s commendable how I managed to remain sane when everything was mentally taxing. Reflecting on the past year becomes a self-motivation jam. It’s like a GPS tracking my journey, showing the milestones that shaped the current me. It’s a reality check, making me aware of the progress made and pushing me to keep leveling up.

Gratitude becomes the secret sauce for the small wins and choices along the way. It’s my way of justifying the moves I made in moments of doubt and uncertainty.

So, here’s to another year – a rollercoaster of struggles, quick hits of joy, and a constant appreciation for just being alive, most of the events felt like firsts since I wrapped up treatment – a reminder that resilience and growth are the real MVPs.

JANUARY 2023

January marked a joyous reunion with friends, a welcome break from the isolation that had accompanied my recovery. Went out with them on a city tour. I could be the best guide again. I love hosting gatherings but never got the chance to do so ever since I became an adult (20+).

Although I had just recently started walking without support and my muscles were weak still, it was better than not being able to walk at all.

We went to a museum and then sat busking in the sun devouring packs of Choco-sticks. It was our go-to snack back in college when we were together. They both got me a big box and nothing could be a better gift than that cardboard box of joy and memories. I had not had any chocolates after my treatment due to lack of saliva caused by GVHD. That was my first snack.

As we embarked on a city tour, memories of our college days flooded back, and for a moment, I felt like a normal girl in her twenties. It was a huge deal for me.

I was unable to continue my normal life as a college girl after cancer. I was missing out on a lot- studies, my friends, the bare-minimum social life I had, being in my twenties experiencing the world around me, learning how to deal with people, making connections.

As we embarked on a city tour, memories of our college days flooded back, and for a moment, I felt like a normal girl in her twenties. It was a huge deal for me.

I was unable to continue my normal life as a college girl after cancer. I was missing out on a lot- studies, my friends, the bare-minimum social life I had, being in my twenties experiencing the world around me, learning how to deal with people, making connections.

Deep down I was always bothered by this. That part of my life will never come back and that’s the fact. My friends visit gave me a chance to experience that even if it was for just two days.

FEBURARY 2023

New piercings, ahhh! I Adore piercings; they’re a special part of my personality, defining me beyond just a fashion statement (though I secretly love earrings and have drawers full of them). So, on the auspicious day of Basant-Panchami, I decided to add some new ear piercings to my collection.

Before my treatment, I used to rock cartilage piercings. However, during my stay in the BMT unit, I had to take them off to avoid any potential infections. As time passed, I couldn’t be bothered to put them back on after my treatment, and eventually, the piercings healed and closed.

But here’s the exciting part – I got two new piercings in a single sitting! One on my helix and a completely fresh one – a Conch piercing.

Fun fact: I’ve had a total of thirteen ear piercings, out of which seven remain. Stay tuned; I plan to revive the rest of them soon. 🌟

I also visited Delhi for the first time since my last trip during the COVID chaos of 2021 when everything took a nosedive.

The experience was nostalgic. As I sat in the car, taking in the city rush, memories of my college days flooded back. I remembered how I used to briskly walk on the streets, carrying heavy luggage, heading towards the metro station. Today, that seems almost impossible. Just walking on my own is challenging enough. It was a bittersweet experience emotionally.

I came back home only to get bedridden for ten days because of bad stomach and diarrhea. My immunity was still poor a trip to another always took a toll on my body.

MARCH 2023

My spring adventures were starting. And what’s more fun way to enter into spring than going on a flower viewing show! I adore flowers and truly blessed to have an annual flower viewing show in my own city.

Later on embarking on a hike after what felt like an eternity held profound significance for me.

The Liberating Experience.

As a mountain girl born in the Kumaon deeply connected to the hill regions of Uttarakhand, while residing in the Doon valley surrounded by mountains, my childhood was steeped in the rituals of climbing, trekking, and hiking. However, this essence of my life was abruptly halted by the challenges of COVID and subsequently, cancer, causing my life to spiral downhill.

The experience of ascending a sloping trail amid the towering pine trees served as an ultimate boost to my motivation and hope. As I climbed, a fallen branch I picked at the trail’s beginning became a makeshift support, aiding my journey to the top. Although my calf muscles twitched, the pain wasn’t discomforting; instead, it evoked a sense of nostalgia, a reminder of the muscle strain I once felt during workouts.

Savoring the fresh mountain breeze and the freedom; On the top once again. (P.s. I can trek in a skirt.)

From the summit, a panoramic view unfolded, revealing the snow-covered Shivalik peering through the brown mountain ranges and fluffy cotton clouds. Seated in contemplation, I translated this awe-inspiring sight onto the pages of my journal.

Mountains possess an inexplicable magic, an allure that has always captivated me. The altitude offers a unique perspective, bringing clarity to my thoughts. Nature, in all its grandeur, has been my most fascinating classroom, and the mountains exemplify this truth.

The rejuvenating one-day trip held profound meaning for me. Reflecting on this experience, I realized that while imagining myself in such serene landscapes from the confines of my closed bedroom felt surreal, deep down, I always knew it was not merely a wish but a genuine desire waiting to be fulfilled.

APRIL 2023

Setting off on this amazing adventure, I decided to embrace a new experience—my first staycation uphill, just because the mountains were calling, you know?

We had this plan to explore this offbeat hill station with this incredible wooden temple. I’ve always been into temples with some cool architecture or a bit of history, and this one totally lived up to it.

As we were cruising through, we accidentally found this peaceful spot on top of a small hill, covered in wild grass and daisies. Imagine a whole hilltop garden of daisies! It was like nothing I’d ever seen.

Surrounded by red pine trees, it instantly became one of the most beautiful places I’ve laid eyes on. I casually threw my bag on a grassy bed, lay down, felt the earth beneath me, and soaked it all in. We crashed at this guest place for the night, had our evening tea and did the classic mountain-trip ritual – Maggi, of course – while the sky put on a rosy show amid those massive mountains.

A gentle hill blanketed in wild grass and daisies, offering a breathtaking view that feels almost like heaven on earth.

Underneath the starry sky, I lay on the grass, having this otherworldly experience with a galaxy of stars shining above. It was probably the last time I could just chill for hours with a clear mind in Mother Nature’s lap, away from city buzz.

Spring Blues

Next morning, I shocked my mom by waking up early on my own, and in that fresh morning glow, I plucked some daisies and tucked them behind my ears. Cold air, warm heart, you get it. Sat down to journal with my back against the faint warmth of the sun and a mug of hot coffee. The scenery looked different from the evening before, so I decided to get artsy and painted with my leftover coffee.

I always carry my Blue Diary with me whenever I travel to paint a scene from the place I have visited or write down my thoughts in that moment. It’s a good way to look back.

Riding downhill later, taking breaks in landscapes with blooming pink flowers for tea and lunch, best way to welcomed spring. My dry-eyes bothered me throughout, but hey, small price for all the adventure.

By the end of April, I finally dived into a book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu. Yep, first book post-transplant. My eyes were feeling a bit better. Love books, had to give them up due to my eyes acting up, It is still problematic, but I can read now, if not for long hours. but hey, progress is progress!

MAY 2023

Summer, yay! It kicked off on a high note. I embarked on the summer adventure, choosing a natural water park. I was thrilled to finally dip my feet into the cool, clear, fresh water stream – pure soul refreshment. Water has a special place in my heart, be it swimming, rafting, floating on my back in cool water, or indulging in long hours in the shower and bathtub.

I fully embraced the summer vibes – gaining weight, improving my health. Everything seemed perfect until a few days after my water park escapade when I contracted Herpes.

This is the very initial stage of Herpes. Small blister like bumps appear but one identifying factor is that they appear in clusters.

Initially, it didn’t seem like a big issue, and I wasn’t prepared for what awaited me. The blisters started small, then grew into clusters, spreading across my entire left leg – the calf, behind the knee, thighs up to my hip and back. They even appeared on my face and head.

I remember screaming myself to sleep every night due to the excruciating pain. There was nothing I could do. This pain surpassed any intensity I had experienced throughout my cancer treatment, except for that one time during surgery to insert a PICC line through the neck without anesthesia – a story for another day.

JUNE 2023

The relentless downpour persisted for an agonizing three months, mirroring the tears that fell from the heavens to my soul. Summer was but a distant memory, swallowed whole by the unrelenting rain.

The oppressive humidity became an accomplice to my deteriorating condition, pushing me to the brink, forcing me into the cold, sterile confines of the hospital once again.

The room became a suffocating cocoon of despair, each corner echoing with the hollow sounds of my condition. The IV, a constant companion on my wrist, carried the fluid that sizzled through the pipes, a stark reminder of my entwined existence with this medical labyrinth.

Life, once on the cusp of liberation, spiraled down the drain, leaving me trapped in a disheartening dance with my own fragility.

Amidst this relentless ordeal, a creeping sense of depression engulfed me – the hospital room, my deteriorating health, the incessant drip of the IV. It all became a symphony of despair, drowning out any semblance of hope.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that the moment I allowed myself to revel in the slightest achievements, to bask in the glow of positive change, I deliberately invoked the wrath of some unseen force, cursing the budding happiness in my life.

JULY 2023

As the nasty blisters started drying up after I got out of the hospital, the pain decided to stick around like an unwanted guest. And let me tell you, the whole healing process was weirder and more painful than dealing with the darn blisters. Now, those once-fluid blisters are just annoying bloody red scars that demand way too much attention to stay dry.

Putting on any kind of bottoms or feeling the lightest touch became an ordeal, causing this sharp, shooting pain. So, here I was, spending hours in my room half-naked, trying not to put any weight on my right side because, you guessed it, more pain.

Taking care of those stubborn scars turned into a whole routine. My days were basically a loop of slapping on aloe creams and antibacterial powder. No break whatsoever since the herpes saga began. It was like living in a not-so-fun version of hell, made worse by the sticky, humid weather that felt like adding insult to injury.

AUGUST 2023

Finally letting out a sigh of relief, although the pain was still hanging around, making even the simple act of getting dressed a bit of a challenge. Sitting down? Well, that was a different story – uncomfortable would be an understatement.

But hey, I decided to throw on my bravest face, endured the discomfort, and headed out for my first outing in three months after being stuck in quarantine. Where did I go?

To my favorite spot in the city – the Mind Rolling Monastery, a serene Buddhist sanctuary. There’s something about that place that puts my heart at ease. Just being there, strolling around, made me feel incredibly thankful for the simple joy of roaming freely again.

Embracing the world with that first smile after three months of quarantine. 😊 #BackInTheWild

Sure, I’d shed some weight during my hospital stay, and dealing with pain for three straight months wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. However, being at the monastery washed away any lingering feelings of resentment or self-doubt. It’s like a magic spell, I tell you.

And that’s not all—I even ventured to a museum, a botanical one, to be precise. For someone who loves the intricacies of nature’s design, these botanical museums, with their collection of insects and plants, are a big deal.

You see, most of my time had been spent indoors since the start of my treatment, thanks to my weakened immunity. So, these little outings felt like a breath of fresh air – literally and metaphorically.

SEPTEMBER 2023

September 22nd has transformed into the most special date for me, all thanks to my life-changing bone marrow transplant to combat Leukemia. This date marks my Cancer-anniversary, and this year, I celebrated my 2nd Cancerversary!

Two years post-transplant, it’s like my second birthday, the day of my rebirth. Since that pivotal day in 2021, every cell in my body has been renewed—I went from O+ to B+ because, after a bone marrow transplant, your blood group aligns with that of your donor.

I developed an eye infection in my right eye just a week before my cancer-versary, and let me tell you, dealing with that bothersome stye was nothing short of immensely discomforting.

It’s an auspicious day for me, to say the least. Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it. Surviving another year, especially after them past grueling months, is nothing short of a miracle.

To celebrate, I danced my heart out. Cancer may have forced compromises in life choices, but I refused to let it dictate the beats of my heart and my desire to live fully. It cannot extinguish my passion for the things I love, and dancing is right at the top of that list.

Stepping onto the dance floor after two years felt like a monumental achievement. Each step was a challenge—legs shaking, arms straining, chest heaving, and my heart pounding loudly against my chest. I had to pause, catch my breath, but it was exactly what I had yearned for.

OCTOBER 2023

As September came to a close, my left eye began to act up. However, I didn’t grasp the gravity of the situation until it turned completely pink, stubbornly refusing to open.In a moment of panic, I found myself shedding tears while applying eye drops, desperately praying for it to open.

Before I knew it, a fever had set in, and I found myself back in the hospital.” It was protocol—if there was a fever, immediate admission followed.

“Yet another test of patience and endurance.”

Barely able to open my left eye, I had no idea what caused it to turn this pink until my checkup. This was a really painful and yet another discomforting experience. My dry eyes, devoid of lubrication, were already a big discomfort, and an eye injury just added to the unpleasant experience, along with extensive photosensitivity.

Determined to be discharged before the 10th, no matter the obstacles, I underwent treatment. The eye specialist explained that my eyelashes might have harmed my eye just below the cornea, narrowly avoiding a fatal situation.

I spent a lovely day with my mother and absolutely enjoyed dressing up and going out. Look at me sporting that eye patch!

Finally, on the 8th, I managed to secure my discharge. On the 10th of October, I wasn’t going to let my condition spoil my mom’s special day.

Having disrupted everyone’s birthdays, anniversaries, and vacation plans for the past two years, I took my most cherished person on a date to celebrate her birthday, even though I was half-blind, fatigued from the hospital, and had lost weight again.

But that’s no reason to sulk.

In the face of life’s persistent challenges, a determined person like myself becomes even more resolute—there’s no backing down. I refuse to give up on any occasion that brings me joy. Always seeking excuses to celebrate, no matter what, as Vivian Greene famously said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”

NOVEMBER 2023

It’s Diwali season, and I absolutely adore it! Diwali is my most cherished holiday and festival.

The atmosphere transforms into something magical, with a positive, peaceful vibe and the warmth of autumn. The yellow glow of diyas represents the hope I hold in my heart, while the colorful rangoli mirrors the joyous hues of my emotions. The floral aroma from the flowers and incense sticks has a calming effect on the nerves.

And, of course, it’s the perfect time to go all out with glam! Dressing up brings me immense pleasure and lifts my spirits. However, I can’t say the same about crackers. I just can’t fathom the logic behind the notion that there’s no Diwali without crackers.

The word “Deepawali” literally means the festival of diyas, and I find it hard to believe that crackers are considered essential. I sincerely hope that those advocating for crackers consider the impact on their young lungs in the long run.

Unfortunately, I had a severe, persistent cough for a month after Diwali, affecting my breathing. I had to resort to nebulization for at least a week.

DECEMBER 2023

My recent vacation to Udaipur turned out as pleasant as I had anticipated. Having booked tickets and made arrangements the previous month, it marked my first real vacation to a new destination—more than just a one-day trip or a weekend getaway.

Excitement bubbled within me, especially because Rajasthan, and Udaipur in particular, is like a dream destination. The Lake City lived up to its reputation, providing a magical experience I had been yearning for ages. The trip served a dual purpose as we were there to celebrate my parents’ Silver Jubilee Anniversary.

As a design student with a penchant for history and a love for art and architecture, Udaipur was a true delight. Exploring the old city in an autorickshaw through its narrow lanes, buying vintage items and sarees, and riding a camel—all contributed to a memorable adventure.

A significant part of the trip was dedicated to touring the infamous City Palace.

Climbing its stairs, I realized my body had finally started recovering—no more painful calves after a whole day of climbing. My hopes were turning into reality, and my perseverance had paid off. Additionally, traveling by train after more than five years was another first for me.

This trip was necessary, offering me self-awareness about my overall physical condition, about which I had started to grow skeptical minutly. And to cap it all off, I bid farewell to the year and turned 24 on the 31st of December.

Conclusion: and a new Beginning

As I look back on the past year, gotta give props to this body of mine. It’s been through the ups and downs, steadfastly sticking with me through the pain, and resiliently holding its own. Yet, in the midst of another one of those bittersweet journeys.

Now, talking 2024 plans, no heavy resolutions here—just some laid-back schemes. I’m aiming to snatch back those moments of deep, uninterrupted sleep, waking up with eyes wide open, free from the whole dry eyes morning struggle.

More into keeping things steady and making small strides toward being a better version of myself. Taking care of my body more, a stricter diet maybe and ample of skin care. I want my glowing skin back!!!

You know, for someone who hasn’t had a peaceful, tear-free sleep post-treatment, my focus is on keeping up and amping up the good stuff in life. New Year’s a nudge to keep chasing progress, no matter how tiny, and craving a bit of well-deserved R&R for both body and soul, serving as a vital link between the physical and the spiritual aspects of my journey.

Oh, and yeah, planning to throw my time into things I love, polishing skills, maybe work on myself a bit. Completing all the anime series on my watch-list too. Cheers to rolling into 2024 with solid hope and making it truly mine. 🌟